Revolutionary Page 17

  “Don’t worry.” Loudin sits. “I’ll give you some time with him before I bring him here.”

  If he expects me to be grateful for that, he is terribly mistaken.

  “He’s just down the hall now, being prepared for the cerebral transfer. I’d let you watch when I perform that, but I fear your emotions would cause him to be disturbed, and I need absolute calm during that.”

  Alex is nearby. That is good—I can get to him. I can get him out of here. God will not allow Alex to be killed, I am sure of it.

  But God allowed Kristie to be killed. And Nicole. And the billions of people before them, people whose only crime was that they lived on earth and not in the State. I don’t understand why the Designer allowed evil to reign. John said evil is a result of the sin that man brought into the world. But still, God is greater than man. I wish he did not give us the choice to rebel against him, that men like Loudin could not do what they have done.

  “Where is Alex?”

  “He is in John’s old room. Fitting, don’t you think? Go ahead.” Loudin taps on his communications pad and the door unlocks. “I am sure you can find your way there without any assistance.”

  I barely register the hallway, the elevator, the rows of doors as I go to Alex. Does he know? Am I the one who will tell him? Loudin won’t annihilate Alex. I will make sure of that. But how do I prevent it? What do I do?

  I am at the door, and I have no answers. John’s room looks exactly the same as it always has: colorful, with a multi-patterned bedcovering and floor covering. A thin layer of dust coats the worn furniture. Alex is on the couch, head in his hands. I walked to this door so many times and saw John in that same position. Sometimes on his knees. Always praying, praying, hoping, believing. He never gave up.

  The door makes a slight groaning sound and Alex looks up.

  He knows.

  “Thalli.”

  I have never seen him look so defeated. “We’re going to get you out of here.”

  “No.”

  “Loudin isn’t going to do this.”

  Alex sighs. “Of course he is.”

  There is a blankness in Alex’s eyes, a look that is familiar. The look he had when he was drugged by his father.

  “He has given you the Athenian drug.” His pupils aren’t dilated, but I am sure I am right.

  “No, he is still working on that.”

  “How do you know?”

  “He took me to the lab.” Alex’s voice is so small, like he has already given up, died inside. “They can’t quite figure it out. Something isn’t working.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  “It is.”

  “They need you.” I want to shake Alex out of this lethargy, move him. “Loudin needs this drug. Or he thinks he does. He doesn’t want to bring anyone back from above without knowing he can control them.”

  “He isn’t bringing anyone back from above.” Alex lowers his head back to his hands.

  “What?” I push his hands away, force him to look at me.

  “He’s been watching the other places like he watched us.” Alex closes his eyes. “Too many deep-seated traditions, he says. Their way of life has reverted too far back. Too much trouble to try to reprogram them.”

  “That’s good news.” I put my hand on Alex’s shoulder.

  He shakes it off, stands, and walks to the other side of the room. “No, it’s not good news.” The blank look in Alex’s eyes clears, replaced by fear. And resignation.

  “What is going on?” I stay rooted to this spot.

  “He’s going to kill them.” His eyes fill with tears. “Again. He’s rebooting the nuclear warheads and aiming them for all the remaining villages around the world. He’s going to finish what he started, and this time he is making sure there are no survivors.”

  CHAPTER 42

  I cannot speak. My mind is racing. My heart is racing. Loudin wants to destroy the world? Impossible. He cannot do that. “We have to stop him.”

  “We can’t stop Loudin.” Alex sinks onto the sleeping platform.

  “Of course we can.” I walk over to him. “What is wrong with you?”

  “I’m useless, Thalli.” Alex lies back on the pillow. “I deserve to die.”

  I don’t have time to convince Alex he isn’t useless. I need him to get up and help me. “No one deserves to die. Tell me what you know and we can plan from there.”

  “I’ve told you what I know.” He closes his eyes. “Just go. Let me sleep.”

  Why is Alex acting this way?

  “Remember Peter?” His voice remains quiet, but something has changed.

  “What?”

  “Remember Peter? He was an Athenian.”

  “Of course I remember Peter.” He loved Helen, Alex’s sister. He escaped Athens and came to New Hope, but he returned after Helen died. He killed King Jason and was killed himself as a result. I’ll never forget walking him to Helen’s room, cleaning his body after he died. “Stop thinking about that. You’re not going to die.”

  Alex lifts one eye, a slight movement I almost miss. “I’m not thinking about that.”

  I move to the side of the sleeping platform and lower myself beside Alex. There is something more he is trying to say. This room, of course, is monitored, our conversation monitored. “What are you thinking of?”

  “My sister never should have told him what she did.” Peter escaped through a secret door known only to the royal family. Alex and I know that, but Loudin does not.

  I push Alex’s hair from his face, taking time to think, to plan. How do we do that when we are watched so closely?

  Alex opens his eyes. “He was right about one thing though.”

  “What’s that?”

  “He was right about love.” Alex looks at me, and the emotion in his gaze takes my breath away. How can he transition from apathetic to passionate so quickly? And what does this have to do with escaping?

  Alex grabs my wrist and pulls me toward him. “Would you grant a dying man his last wish?”

  His face is inches from mine, his gaze is on my lips, and I start to pull away. He tightens his grip, raises an eyebrow slightly.

  “Alex.”

  He leans forward, and before I can stop him, his lips are on mine. But this isn’t a kiss. Alex is speaking quietly. “There is another way out. There has to be. Find it.”

  Alex weaves his hand in my hair and kisses me in earnest. He pulls away and closes his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Peter died a noble death.”

  Is Alex playing a part now? Giving a clue? I don’t know how to respond.

  “He was my subject, and he did what I couldn’t do. Even he was better than me.”

  “You are a good man.”

  “You’ll forget me within days.” Alex sighs. “You and Berk will be down here with Loudin, and you’ll forget I ever existed.”

  Is the exit in Loudin’s laboratory? Does Berk know about it? I want to ask Alex, but he is right—we have to be aware of every word that comes out of our mouths. We have to pretend, to make Loudin believe we are helpless. But we need to plan like Peter did, finding ways in and out, defeating the man who would defeat everyone else if given the chance.

  I stay for several more minutes, Alex sinking deeper into what appears, even to me, like a man resigned to death.

  I remind Alex again of the Designer’s Words, of what I know about life and our purpose. I tell him what John told me so long ago, what gave me hope when I was facing annihilation: “Death is only the beginning.”

  Alex looks into my eyes and cradles my face with his hand. “I would like a new beginning.”

  CHAPTER 43

  I am back in my room in the Scientists’ quarters, still thinking about what Alex said—what he didn’t say—and what to do about it. What other way out is there? I know there is the exit on the top level. That is where the aircraft is kept, where we left when Loudin took us to New Hope. But that is heavily guarded, by Monitors and electronics. It would be impossible to le
ave that way. Of course, we left that way when Berk, Rhen, John, and I escaped. But that, we now know, was because Loudin allowed us. He planned for it. We need an escape route that can go undetected by Loudin.

  I am pacing the room, thinking of how to save Alex. I do not know how much time he has, and I do not know how to contact Berk and James without alerting Loudin. This room is locked anyway.

  But then the lock clicks and the door opens. Loudin enters, his gait slow, measured. He sits in a chair and smiles at me, then motions for me to sit too. I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him.

  “You’re upset with me.” Loudin purses his lips, as if he is truly upset at this fact.

  “You want to destroy the world.” There’s no use in pretending he didn’t hear my conversation with Alex.

  “I want to protect the State.”

  “By killing innocent people.” Images of people being burnt, bleeding, dying from another Nuclear War fill my mind.

  “Innocent is such a subjective word.” Loudin shrugs. “I believe your God says that no one is innocent. Isn’t that right?”

  “That’s why we need a Savior.”

  Loudin spreads his hands. “Or eternal punishment.”

  “God loves people—Jesus is proof of that.” Is there any point in telling this to Loudin? “He came and sacrificed himself for the people of the world.”

  “Sacrifice is subjective too.” Loudin raises an eyebrow. “You believe your Jesus’ sacrifice benefited humanity, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “Still, he died.” Loudin leans forward. “He was killed—murdered. Correct?”

  I don’t know what Loudin is trying to say. “Yes, but by people who chose not to believe him.”

  “And what would have happened had he not been killed?”

  I pause. I wish John were here, or even Rhen. They could answer this. I feel like no matter what I say, it will be a trap.

  “He had to die.” Loudin answers his own question. “To save poor, sinful mankind, your Jesus had to die. Isn’t that what your holy book teaches?”

  “He died in our place.” I recall how emotional John became when speaking of this. “He took the punishment that we deserve.”

  “So now you won’t die?”

  “No . . .” I hate how flustered I am. How unsure I sound. “I mean, yes. My body will die. But my soul will live forever. And so will yours.”

  Loudin waves my words away. “We’ve gotten off topic, I’m afraid. My fault. Let’s return to the fact that Jesus had to die. Can we agree that this is what the book teaches?”

  “Yes.” I sink down on the sleeping platform.

  “Then there are times when death is necessary.” Loudin has a satisfied smile on his face. “Times when even your God acknowledges death is the only possible solution to the world’s problems.”

  “So you think you are God?”

  Loudin laughs. “Thalli, have you forgotten everything you learned? There is no God. That belief is primitive, kept in place by people like John Turner because they want to believe they will have more than just a few insignificant decades on this earth.”

  “But isn’t the reason you’ve established the State because you want to live on after you are gone?” I stand and walk toward Loudin. “You want to be remembered and revered. You want to be worshipped.”

  “Yes.” Loudin stands from his chair. “But I want that because I want this world to become better, to shed the ridiculous notions that have held us back. To allow mankind to revert to their pre-War state is a sin, to use your terminology.”

  “So you know better than any other human on this earth?” I cannot stop my voice from rising.

  “I most certainly do.” Loudin matches my volume. “Death has always been necessary for mankind to move forward. The fittest survive, the weak do not. The longer we try to hang on to the weak links, the longer it will be before we move past who we are now to who we can be.”

  “And who is that?” I see a vulnerability in Loudin’s eyes I have never seen before. He means this, truly thinks he is doing what is best for the world.

  “Thalli, it’s you. You became more than what we designed you to be. Your brain functions in ways I have never seen, ways I can’t even explain. If you would just discard this ridiculous faith, you could be great.”

  I hate to admit this, even to myself, but he makes sense. It’s easier to think of Loudin as evil and destructive and arrogant than to think of him as a Scientist who wants to make the world better. He is right about one thing—both he and God cannot be right.

  “But I have felt God, experienced him.” How can that be explained?

  “Chemical reactions in your brain. A slight flaw in your makeup, but not damaging. Unless you choose to follow those reactions instead of logic. If you choose to believe what you feel, then you will eventually become no better than John and Alex.”

  “Both good men.” I spit these words out, reminded that in Loudin’s reality, imprisoning one and killing the other is perfectly acceptable.

  “Actually”—his tone changes and he returns to the chair—“I wanted to speak to you about Alex.”

  I return to my sleeping platform and sit. I think I might agree to anything if it would save Alex. “Yes?”

  “You care about him.” It isn’t a question. Loudin saw me with Alex in his room, and he probably watched the kiss. “I don’t think I realized how deeply you cared for him.”

  “He is a good man. He would be a good ruler.”

  “He will have no place to rule, Thalli.” Loudin lays his palms on his pants. “That is not negotiable.”

  “They are good people.”

  “You really must strike words like good from your vocabulary.” Loudin sighs. “Such primitive descriptions. And we have determined that moving on from our primitive heritage is expedient.”

  “You have determined that.”

  “I believe that in time you will as well.” Loudin’s eyes soften. “And though I do believe our people here are an improvement upon those born naturally above, I can admit there are exceptions.”

  “And you think Alex is an exception.” Though I do not like how he came to this conclusion, I do have hope.

  “I do.” Loudin dips his head. “Raised to understand leadership, trained in some of the ancient arts we have lost here. He could be useful. And he brings new DNA, new potential for life as we develop the next generation.”

  “So he can live?” I lean forward.

  “That is up to you.”

  “To me?”

  Loudin taps the tips of his fingers together. “We have all the humanity I want here right now. In fact, we might have too many. Pod A is not as productive as I’d like. I will likely annihilate them soon. I have found that smaller populations are better. Quality, not quantity, you know.”

  My stomach clenches. He speaks of killing people like he would of wiping dust from the surface of a desk. But I suppose, in his mind, it is the same. “What of Alex?”

  “As I said, Alex could be useful. And you care for him. That is acceptable. But you also care for Berk. Isn’t that right?”

  “Yes.” I swallow past a lump in my throat. Will he tell Berk that I kissed Alex? Is Loudin trying to drive us apart?

  “And Berk is also quite useful.” Loudin purses his lips. “But I do have the ability to store information now. I could go into Berk’s brain and record what he knows. I could even transfer that knowledge to Alex. I could, effectively, combine your two loves. Wouldn’t that be convenient?”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I am saying that I want you to choose—Berk or Alex?”

  “Choose?” I blink several times.

  “It is simply not in the best interest of the State to keep them both.” Loudin stands. “So I will let you choose—which one can you just not live without?”

  “You can’t do that.” I rush to Loudin, whose hand is on the door panel. “You can’t make me choose between Berk and Alex.”

&nb
sp; He turns to me. “Of course I can. And, believe me, you will thank me someday. This will aid you in becoming who you should be.”

  “What if I refuse?”

  Loudin leans against the door. “Then I will make the choice for you.”

  I run my hands through my hair. This cannot be happening. There must be another solution.

  “I will give you something though.” Loudin’s eyes light up. “Privacy.”

  “Privacy?”

  “For the next twenty-four hours, I will not monitor you, nor will I contain you here in the Scientists’ quarters.” Loudin smiles. “You have my word. Talk all you want, about whatever you want, wherever you want. Try to plot against me. I think it will be fun to see what you come up with.”

  “This is a game to you?” My head aches with all he has said.

  “No, not a game exactly. More of a meeting of the minds, as we used to call it. I want to show you that my mind will always win. And you, unless you choose to fully embrace what is true, will always lose.”

  “How do I know you won’t be watching me?”

  “You don’t believe me?” He shakes his head in mock surprise.

  I stare at him.

  “Fine.” Loudin lifts his hands. “I will be undergoing the procedure to have my memories stored. It will take a full twenty-four hours. During that time I will be sedated.”

  “So the other Scientists will watch us.” I am not a fool.

  “I will turn off all surveillance.” With a click, the door opens and Loudin steps out. “Have Berk check if you doubt me.”

  “I will,” I say to Loudin’s back, feeling the back of my head to make sure this is not another of his simulations. It is not.

  “But don’t forget.” He turns around. “You must make your decision by this time tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER 44

  What kind of crazy, sick game is he playing?” Dallas hits the wall in the living area at Pod C.

  As soon as Loudin left, I grabbed Alex—whose room was unlocked, just as Loudin promised—and took him with me to Pod C. Berk had been sent back there, and Rhen and Dallas hadn’t left.